After school today, my 12-year-old daughter, Annie was fooling around with the idea of a resume, or as she spells it, "reseme." At 12, this is not a very important concept, and a grand opportunity to make fun of the sometimes-too-serious grown-ups.
I thought her effort was clever, though it will probably never get her that summer babysitting job she wants in order to earn money to put books on her Kindle Fire...
For your amusement, I bring you Annie's Resume...er...Reseme.
Warning: In our house, it is a rite of passage to view at least 3 episodes of "Monty Python's Flying Circus," and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" in its entirety by age 5. As I read Annie's reseme, I couldn't help but thinking of the opening credits to the latter. You know, the part with the fiesta music and some mention of Llamas? There. Knitting reference accomplished. Let's move on...
“I’m all out of love,
So lost without you,
I knew you were right believing for
Name: Anne E. S. Winner
Favorite color: Blue
Favorite food: Spaghetti
Favorite number: 11
Past jobs: Professional Asassinator, The terminator, Mc Donalds, Wolverine, Spiderman, the Hulk, Reporter, detective, and Darth Vader
SKILLS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS: Master of all Tarot cards, Professional assassin, Black belt in all martial arts, backwards walking champion, best person in the world, writer of many famous books, met William Shakespeare, became an overnight sensation, also a one hit wonder, killed a bear with own 2 hands, most attractive person in the world, also the most humble person in the world, Skilled hemp bracelet maker, rode a unicorn, hardcore camper, brought sexy back, attractive, Artist, fashion designer, back up lead singer for Aero Smith, master chef in culinary arts, attractive, sweet genius winner, held breath longer than anyone in the Guinness book of world records, champion of Chopped all-stars, attractive, preformed heart surgery, Won the tour de France bicycle race, starred in Harry Potter as girl # 2, invincible, attractive, cross breaded a llama and unicorn creating a llama corn, #1 Adventure Time fan, survived without water for 6 months, attractive, created the revolution against math being taught as a required class in school, created the acronym for F.A.C.E. (Filthy apes cause evolution), Won the super bowl as the quarter back for the Broncos, Confirmed the existence of cryptids(Big foot, Loch ness monster, Yeti,Chuba Cabra, Trained in CPR, attractive, ate 900 warheads in under a minute, caught a fly with chopsticks, burned asparagus out of hatred of asparagus, sang national anthem at a Phillies baseball game, traveled back to dinosaur times, voted scariest girl out of my peeps, tamed a tiger, eaten a live shark, attractive, swallowed a whole cactus, killed a man with a spoon, won a wrestling match, attractive, attractive, attractive, attractive……, and so on…….attractive, and attractive, makes the best bacon ever!, created a robot, signed the declaration of independence, and there’s a whole lot more that I just can’t type or my printer would explode in a fiery passion, but one more thing, attractiveJ
Education: Attended Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry
Why I want this job: What job am I applying for again?
Additional information: Help run the Maniac club, Work for the government spies, and defeated Voldemort (J.K. Rowling loosely based the Harry Potter series on my life when I was at Hogwarts)
Last comments: Did I mention I was attractive?